Vol. 2 – Breakfast of Champions

http://thethrillsociety.com is your link to Thrilling Stuff! This article is just a taste!

(Author’s dire warning: This post may confuse the hell out of you if you are one of the millions of lucky bastards who don’t have young children.

Perhaps worse, you’re one of those goodie-goodie bang bangs who don’t let their kids watch TV, cartoons or irrelevant silver screen dribble over and over until their little minds are completely and uncompromisingly assimilated into the hive.

Kids ruin lives…. really they do!!

Fuck you and Nickelodeon! (how did you end up on this goddamn website anyway?)

You’ll remember from Vol. 1 that I am, in fact, a LAZY BITCH… Harken back to the dusty blinds and mad Soda Crush skills?? Well…

Top definition of Lazy Bitch, according to Urban Dictionary™:

Basically when your bitch is laying around doing nothing and dinner isn’t even ready and the house isn’t cleaned yet.

“I feel so bad for Tom, he married a real lazy bitch”

Dammit, Metaphorical Tom….. Maybe YOU should clean the beautiful fucking wood-slat blinds if you want a metaphorical piece of ass now and then. Or maybe make her breakfast before she goes to work.

After all, in America these days it is about 212% more likely that SHE is the breadwinner in your household, you good-for-nothing piece of shit, sitting at home doing nothing, dreaming about the money you’ll never have and your stupid, amateur shibari ropes. You’re causing me to dream of a world full of hot naked people that you, Metaphorical Tom, do not exist in.(No actual Toms associated with TTS were harmed in the making of this rant.)

Sandwich in every beer

Speaking of breakfast, I feel like eating breakfast might be a good thing for me but it’s, like, work to get that task done. Really. I should hire a man-maid for that task. No, not a butler, I want a man-maid, complete with short, frilly skirt, apron and cap. All in black silk and feather duster. And not too hairy, please. I like a hairless, man-servant, I don’t want curly chest hair in my fresh, crisp Wheaties.

Well great, now I’m feeling wistful about the breakfast I never eat. Does anyone else, like, NEVER eat breakfast? Aside from the occasional weekend splurge? I’ve begun to worry too much about it actually, which makes me really nervous. Why can’t I just let it go?

Which reminds me…. How and why it reminds me? Who knows, I’m too lazy to really parse it down like that to be honest.

Anyway….. back to why I brought up TV and shithead do-gooders that don’t let their kids watch it…

Read the rest of the article at: http://thethrillsociety.com/vol-2-breakfast-of-champions/