Six People You Should Never Sleep With

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Oh, sex. How we love thee. Here, let us count the ways.

In, out, reverso-change-o (sometimes that helps), back to front, around and all the way down…

way,

way down.

It’s almost impossible to believe that something so fun is good for you, too. But experts have long toted the benefits of giving the old dog a bone.

Sex boosts your immune system and keeps your blood pressure in check. It also lowers stress levels and can be a good workout. Then there’s that glow only a good orgasm can give you….

Nonetheless, while (consensual) sex is akin to the feeling of a first-class ticket to Vegas, while you’re crapping bars of gold, on Prozac, there are just some things you don’t do. That is, people you don’t do.

There’s the obvious list – your boss, your roommate, your relative, Donald Trump – but the proverbial buck (‘scuse the pun) doesn’t stop there.

Here is a list of six folks you should absolutely, under no circumstances, ever sleep with. No matter how much you’re champing at the bite or how willing they are to accommodate you.

ONE: PEOPLE WHO DON’T READ BOOKS

 

John Waters, that pencil pornstache guy who rose to fame in the seventies, should be known for more than Hairspray and Pink Flamingo.

The famed actor/filmmaker coined the phrase: “If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ’em!”

And I couldn’t agree more.

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When you’re done with the nasty you’re going to have to talk and what are you going to talk about with a person who doesn’t read more than the ingredients on their cereal box.

Come on, you’d get more engaging conversation from your vibrator and/or blow up doll.

Leave these folks to dwell where they belong – in the shallow end of the kiddie pool.

TWO: A KENNEDY

You don’t need to be Marilyn Monroe to know that this would be a bad idea.

Best case scenario, you’d end up being the mistress in a long line of mistresses.

Worst case scenario, you’d end up dying due to an alleged “overdose” of barbiturates, as you call your lover to attempt to save you from the men in black. Apparently, the Kennedys had a bit of a mouth on them and liked to reveal matters of the state to their bedroom conquests.

And definitely don’t do a Marilyn and double dip into the gene pool. Imagine comparing the moves of one, over the other. Shudder.

No, no. Get thee out of their bed and into a cab stat.

THREE: A BOBBITT

This is a slightly self-explanatory one, unless you’re into that stuff.

In 1993 the Bobbitts made headlines after wife, Lorena, cut off her husband, John’s, penis.

His crime? Sexual and emotional abuse, infidelity and rape – making him no prize.

The list of allegations against John Bobbitt also included being a selfish lover.

“He always have orgasm [sic], and he doesn’t wait for me to have orgasm. He’s selfish,” Lorena once told police.

The penis was returned to its “rightful” owner and, after surgery, John went on to star in two adult films. One was titled “Uncut.”

Lorena, was found not guilty.

You can uncross your legs now.

FOUR: THIS GUY

FIVE: KIM JONG-UN

Sure, that sexy middle part and all the cage-rattling may appeal to some but standing this guy up after a casual swipe on Tinder could cost you more than your dating reputation.

Just look at what happens when little Kim becomes displeased with a relative:

Add to Thaek’s supposed brutal end, Jong-un ordered that images of his uncle be edited out of documentaries and photographs. Ouch.

For these reasons and many more, should you see Jong-un on Tinder, for the love of God, swipe left. SWIPE LEFT!

SIX: KANYE WEST

Sorry, Kim, but this guy is two gaffs away from jumping up on a sofa and publicly announcing he’s in love.

Well, more specifically, that he’ll run for president in 2020.

Add to his recent spectacle, it seems Kanye is a tight-ass lover.

Reports have stipulated that Kim needs to beg her “candidate” of a husband to sleep with her.

Come on, “President” West! Getting willing partners to have sex with you is already hard enough. Now you’re going to hold out on Kim?

Kardashian, do yourself a favor, honey, and abort mission.

So, kids, should you be tempted to ever get a leg over this lot, I strongly urge you to go home and have several cold showers.

Better still, book a therapy session to discover what it is about these people that make you hot under the collar. There’s definitely something going on there.

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Rock Crawling: Ultimate Motorsports

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What Is Rock Crawling?

Rock Crawling is an extreme form of off-road sport where different types of vehicles are driven through and over difficult terrains and obstacles. Any type of vehicles can be used, but the most common are jeeps, trucks, and buggies. Many rock crawling enthusiasts modify their vehicles in order to make them more powerful and flexible in any type of harsh terrain.  Rock crawling usually takes place on mountain trails, boulders, mountain foothills, and terrains with almost impassable trails. Rock crawling is a fast growing sport and it is even featured on some TV shows.

History Of Rock Crawling

When automakers started manufacturing more four-wheel-drive vehicles and people started buying them, the growing interest in driving off road also flourished. Many outdoor enthusiasts started using their four-wheel-drives on off-road trails.  It started as a follow-the-leader type of game until only the hardcore off-roaders were left. Phil Howell is the rock crawling originator and he made the rules and point system for the sport. In 1998, the first ever nationally recognized rock crawling event started with 40 highly modified vehicles competing.

Rules And Point System Of Rock Crawling

A team is composed of the four-wheel-drive vehicle, the driver, and the navigator or spotter. The goal is to have the lowest points at the end of the competition. The team doesn’t accrue points if they follow these rules:

• Vehicle should not hit any navigational markers located on the courses they have to drive through.
• Drivers should avoid putting the vehicle in reverse.
• The team should avoid using a winch to help them get forward on the course.

Customizing The Vehicle

Ordinary manufactured four-wheel-drives will never survive the unforgiving trails of rock crawling courses. Competitors and enthusiasts have to modify and customize their vehicles in order to get through boulders and large rocks. The custom parts for rock crawling vehicles include:

• Off road mud terrain tires that are taller and bigger than usual
• Four wheel steering
• Modified suspensions
• Locking differentials
• Torque modifications
• Engine upgrade
• Roll cage to protect driver
• Winches
• Portal axles
• Body armor
• Upgraded shock absorbers

These are just some of the custom parts that can be installed in the vehicle. The possibilities for modifications are endless.

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Where Are The Best Places For Rock Crawling?

Now that you have modified your vehicle and you are ready to take your rock monster vehicle for its ultimate test, where would you go? Here are some of the best known places in the US for some rock crawling action.

Rubicon Springs – McKinney Road

It is located 50 miles east of Sacramento and this trail is very popular for rock crawlers. The course is 12 miles in length and it includes popular four-wheel obstacles such as Big and Little Sluice Box, Walker Hill, and Cadillac Hill. You can finish the trail in one day and the view at the top of the Cadillac Hill obstacle is truly spectacular.

Anaconda

The Anaconda course is located 30 miles north of Phoenix and it is considered to be one of the most difficult rock trails in Arizona. The highlight of the Anaconda course includes sheer waterfall, vertical rock walls, and very narrow notches. If you survive this challenging snakelike trail, you can also try out the other nearby trails, which offer average to advanced difficulty.

Habanero Falls

Habanero Falls is located 10 miles west of Las Cruces, New Mexico and it is the site for the Chile Challenge that is a gathering of rock crawling enthusiasts. The trail may be short, but it offers many difficult challenges such as large, rock faces and scattered boulders. At the very end of the trail, you will encounter six, very steep waterfalls, which should not be taken lightly.

The Snake Pit

The name itself is very daunting and you should expect difficult obstacles for this course. The Snake Pit is located 10 miles south of Clayton, Oklahoma. This trail will take you through a series of creek beds with lots of large, wet boulders, and big, underwater drop offs. Water will be a huge factor for this trail so you have to do your own waterproofing modifications. Your rig will mostly be half underwater and beware of poisonous snakes as well.

Bow Hunting Large Mule Deer Bucks

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This article is all about bow hunting mule deer, but many of the concepts discussed will work well for rifle hunting mule deer as well.

Overview

Male mule deer fall into two categories. Super dumb or super smart. When a mule deer buck is younger, say below three years of age, they can be incredibly easy to hunt. If they make it past their early, stupid years, it’s almost like they flip a switch and become super smart. This article is about the super smart ones.

Ambushing

In previous articles we have discussed ambushing elk and antelope. I am sure there are places that an ambush is possible, however generally speaking ambushing large mule deer is not feasible.

Calling

We have also discussed calling as a method of hunting elk and antelope, however calling doesn’t really work with large mule deer. I have successfully stopped a mule deer from walking using a honking sound that mimics their alarm honk. Honking can work well if you need a buck to stop walking away from you to present a shot, but I would not really label honking as calling.

Stalking

So that leaves a hunter with stalking as the only available method of hunting large mule deer. When we discussed methods of bow hunting elk I wrote about slow stalking elk in dense timber. Elk can be discovered in dense timber and stalked upon. However, large bucks will sneak away long before you get close to them. In most cases you will never see them or know they were there at all.

Glassing

In order to stalk large bucks you have to see them first. The only way you will see them first is to get yourself in a position before daylight to overlook a large expanse of mule deer infested countryside. Get up high, hide yourself, and plan on spending the day glassing.

Large mule deer bucks are mainly nocturnal. They will spend all night feeding and all day hiding and sleeping. Bucks will always hid in place that has multiple escape routes and allows them a vantage point to scan the surrounding terrain. That is why you can’t hope to spot a large buck while walking.

Many times while glassing for large bucks I have seen a buck get up from a place I had no idea was hiding a buck, walk 10 paces, relieve himself, and then return to their bed. Even after seeing exactly where the buck laid down it is nearly impossible to find it.

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Proper Gear

If your going to spend all day glassing be sure to bring proper clothing that will allow you to remain immobile. The morning hours can be very cold. If you get up and walk around to warm up you will alert every buck within a couple mile radius. I generally pack a sleeping bag covered with a bivey sack for just this occasion. The bivey sack is simply a water-proof shell that surrounds your sleeping bag to keep it dry and clean. I will generally take my boots off and climb in the bag for the morning to stay warm while I am glassing.

Be sure to hide in place that will allow for convenient bathroom breaks. Remember you will need to remain hidden all day.

Glass your area by working in a grid pattern to make sure you cover all of the terrain. Look for ears or sections of horn. Pay special attention to bases of trees and rocky areas.

I will be honest. Glassing is not very fun. It gets very old, very fast. If your not doing a good job you are wasting your time. Glass for 5 minutes and then take a small break. You will have to glass over the same terrain many times. As the sun shifts in the sky shadows may disappear, the buck may move it’s head just enough to be visible, that odd looking branch may turn out to be part of a huge rack. Keep glassing.

Plan Your Stalking Route

Once you have spotted a buck, spend some time figuring out your route to sneak up on the buck. Stay hidden by terrain as long as possible. Try to find landmarks that will give you guidance when you get closer to the buck.

Keep spotting the area once you have found your target buck. Large mule deer bucks will often bed with other large bucks. You have to find them all before you start your stalk. Assume there is another buck with your target buck until you can prove with more glassing that there is only one buck.

When you get within a hundred yards from the buck you will really have to slow down. Get on you knees and start crawling. Move slowly and quietly. The last 100 yards could take hours to cover.

Of course the wind has to be in your favor. If the wind shifts you have to abort the stalk immediately. If the buck winds you, you are done.

In Bow Range

When you get within bow range of your target buck you will need to have the buck standup to take a shot. This can be a tricky procedure because you want the buck alarmed enough to standup, but not too alarmed or he will race off without giving you a shot.

Before you get close to your buck put a few small stones in your pocket. When you get within bow range, toss a stone over the buck if possible, or in a direction that will make the buck focus away from you. Often times the clatter of small stone will alarm the buck enough to standup without running away.

Conclusion

Every hunt is different. Often times the difference between failure and success is the ability to improvise. Think about each situation and do your best to put yourself within bow range.

Harvesting a large, mule deer buck with a bow is extremely challenging. However, with a lot, and I mean a lot of patience it is possible.

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